Yesterday, I got the good news I've been waiting for. But before I tell you, let me back up.
Once upon a time, I fell 12 feet off a rock wall. Long story short, I screwed my foot up pretty bad, and it took eight months to figure out what really went wrong. Basically, my bone split, and my arch collapsed, and some other technical things, so they had to go in and reconstruct my foot. So I then had an ultimatum - surgery was winter break or summer. They said summer would be better, because I would have more time to recover and relax. If I did that, I would have to give up my fellowship for the summer. If I did it over winter break, well, I was just in for a long recovery.
I decided the fellowship was more important, so I took my chances on winter break. Just my luck, they only had one spot left on January 13th, one week before I went back to school, meaning I would miss the first week of class, then spend another 4-5 weeks there on crutches. Again, I saw no choice, so I said yes. Then, by a stroke of luck, some other patient got pregnant and my surgery got moved up to 12/20, meaning I could go back to school right on time.
So, four weeks of my recovery at home were spent bonding with my couch. To me, I couldn't have asked for a worse situation. I was exhausted all the time, I couldn't get my own food, I couldn't take a shower by myself, I had to be woken up in the middle of the night for medications, I couldn't go out because it was too hard to crutch, and I was basically an entirely dependent mess. On the bright side, my mom is amazing and had no qualms, but to me, I hated the fact that I just couldn't do it for myself.
On the bright side - I got 11,000 words of my honors thesis done?
Anyways, it's time to leave for school. It's me and my crutches on campus for three weeks. Now, this sounds simple, if bionic bus (the transportation for anyone with a disability), and if I were a normal student. Instead, bionic bus told me I wasn't disabled enough, and I was also taking 18 credit hours of classes, a 3 credit hour internship (meaning I work 9 hours a week), and working 15.5 hours a week. No big deal, right? Right.
Let's be honest, the first few days were nothing but disaster and tears. I was too tired to get from point A to point B. The floors were too slippery. My parking spot was too far away. There are way too many damn stairs on campus. The campus is also way too big. People kept giving me funny looks and didn't help me. You name it, I had had it.
Then I had this epiphany while I was on the phone yelling at my mom (sorry, mom!). Everyone said that if I went back to school, I would not be able to do it. I would not survive three weeks of winter on campus on crutches. If I did survive, I would probably fall and ruin my surgery, or I would miss so much class that it would tank my grades. Then I realized, I've done the impossible before. Like when I had mono for two years in high school and went to school maybe one or two days a week and still graduated with a 3.9. I realized that I indeed, could do this.
So the next three weeks came, and lots of adjustments happened. Every day we had a countdown of when the crutches would go away. Some things still sucked - like not being able to go to parties. Eventually, I learned to have fun with it. I could still go out to dinner with friends. My roommates and I would spend our weekends hanging out on the futon. I could still spend my days at Javahouse. I figured out how to cook on one foot and pole vault through piles of snow. Some days I even learned to laugh - like when I tried to carry a plate in one hand and a cup in another while on crutches, and my roommates just laughed at me. I mean, they were nice enough to help me carry things, but I was trying to be independent! Finally, I got in the swing of things, and before I knew it, it was done.
I survived.
I got to go to my official end of hell (end of crutches) check up yesterday. It was nearly seven weeks later. The x-ray tech said, okay, stand on one foot. I looked at him like he had 12 heads, and he assured me it was safe, and that it was time. It was that beautiful cathartic moment when I realized, I did this, and I could do this. So, on one foot I stood. Then the doctor came in and announced all I had ever wanted to hear - the surgery was successful, the bone healed perfectly, and the crutches are done - you can walk. And victoriously, despite all odds, I walked out of the doctor's office on two feet.
I officially did it.
Now, 24 hours later on two feet, I realized there was a checklist of things I learned. So, instead of 23 things to do instead of getting engaged at 23, I present to you - 8 Things I Learned from Breaking a Part of Me.
1. You're so much stronger than you think you are. Cliche, sure. But if it weren't for me mentally telling myself that yes, I could get to that building, and yes, I could do this. I would have never survived. I also learned, I could push myself in new ways, and I could do it.
2. No means yes. When someone says you can't do something, you can. There is nothing that can stop you from your mission.
3. Trust your friends. Let's be honest - without my friends, I may not have survived. They often didn't think they even did anything special. But it meant the world to me when they offered to carry a book, or held a door open, or just even asked if I was okay and needed help. Your friends are always there for you.
4. It's okay to ask for help. Let's be honest, I'm way too independent for my own good. I thought I could do this on my own and that I wouldn't need anything from anyone. Independent doesn't mean you're worthless, or wrong, or putting anyone out by asking for help, and accepting the offer.
5. Be wiling to accept help. Friends don't offer help because they want something in return. They do it because they're good people and want the best for you. It's okay to accept the help they offer.
6. Take your time. I move too fast. My boss says I'm on crack. Between the four weeks on my couch, and just about everything else, I learned I don't need to move faster than the speed of light. Let life happen, but don't throw it into the vortex.
7. Stand up for yourself. I've always been loud and said what's on my mind. But I learned to stand up for myself in new ways. When I didn't like what was going on, I said no, instead of waiting it out. When I was offended, I said that I was offended. When I couldn't do it, I said no.
8. Say no. When something is too much, it's okay to say no. It's okay to not be able to do something. It's okay, because you're not admitting defeat.
These life lessons aren't exclusive to crutches. It just took me seven weeks of being disabled to figure this all out. But chances are, you can learn this without being on crutches. More importantly than the eight things, is to always help someone in need. Whatever you're doing is not more important than helping someone in need. It's usually something as simple as opening a door for someone. But I guarantee, you can make someone's world by opening a door or carrying a book. It proves that there is humanity and caring left in a world of hustle and bustle.
"I believe that my life's gonna see the love I give returned to me." - John Mayer
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