Words.

If you asked me what I am, even though there are many answers, I would never say I’m a writer. 

And yes, I realize that’s a bit bizarre as I sit here writing a blog. But anyways. 

I don’t think I’m a writer. I think I have a voice. And I think I have an interesting comprehension of words and their meaning (blame it on my honors research). 

It’s called semantics. It’s the study of what words mean. It’s not my specific area of study, but I know a lot about what words mean. I also know that despite technical meanings and linguistic roots, words carry a lot of their own meaning based on context, culture, and the speaker. 

I think words are meant to be neutral. Ambivalent. Without charge. 

When we use words, more often than not, they become a knife. More often than not, maybe even a double edged sword hurting both the sender and the receiver. 

I think we forget that words have other connotations and other meanings that aren’t accounted for in the literal interpretation. Blame semantics for forgetting to consider the other part of language. 

As I sit here writing all these words, I know I’m not the most eloquent. I know I misuse meanings and don’t account for interpretations sometimes. But I like to think how words are interpreted and understand how words evoke emotions.

Sometimes, it’s the words you use so literally that mean something so subjective. Maybe it’s one point you try to express that comes across the polar opposite. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

The possibilities are endless, but more often than not, words are more than we think. They can heal, but they often hurt. They often do more damage than expected. They themselves are often unexpected and inexplicable, to say the least. 

But once they’re out, they’re there. Whether auditory or visually, they exist, and they don’t go away. 

But their damage isn’t always irreparable. 

As you sit here reading this, I hope you have an emotion. Maybe it’s unrelated to my post. Maybe it’s happiness from the day, sadness from a turn of events, hurt from another sequence of events, or anything between. Maybe it is my words that make you feel something. 

I hope my words make you feel things. 

But I also know my own words and the words spoken to me make me feel things. As I write this, I feel so many things. A happiness from a good day. A release from getting thoughts out. A pondering of how I’m grappling at syntax and semantics trying to express something beyond words. I choose each word carefully, hoping it carries more weight than that that can be expressed in words. 

And I don’t know that I have a grand epiphany that I want to express in the end as a thesis. But maybe all I want to say is that I hope you think about your words. 

I hope you wrestle with words. I hope you ponder the meaning. I hope you account for interpretations. I hope you listen when you speak, and listen when spoken to. I hope the words resonate in you as they echo through your receiver. I hope you ramble and ramble as you try to express and understand. I hope you reconsider. I hope you find your catharsis and epiphany. 

The answer is in the words. Just look a little closer. 

“Everything is different the second time around.”