The other day, I was reading an art history article (shocker) about memory, and how we personify memories. The whole point of the article was that memory is a societal construction.
Then I got to thinking, how is memory a personal construction? More importantly, how is forgetfulness also a personal construction?
There are moments I want to remember. I want to have eidetic memory. I want my pupils to dilate so wide that I can record everything I'm seeing. I want to be able to replay scenes in my mind on command. I want to smell the same musk. I want to hear the same words with the same intonation over and over again. I want to re-experience the one moment. The fleeting feeling as a part of one scene.
But I want to pick it. I want selective memory. But, my selection, not whatever the universe decides is to convenient to select.
Because the universe is a cruel and unusual bastard.
Anyways.
I find I can't choose what I remember. Sometimes the good things stick. The smile. The laugh. The look. The one brief moment that tattoos itself to the core of your existence. And sometimes, you're happy by what you remember.
Sometimes, you just wish you didn't ever remember.
But there's this weird grey area I've found. It's not about what I do or don't remember. It's what I forget over time. It's how I find a new memory.
It's how I forget the memories I held so dear and make new ones. It's how the new memories slowly fade away and recreate themselves.
And suddenly you realize, the things you never thought you would remember, or the things you never thought you would need, are the new memories that make you cherish every moment.
It goes like this, or so I think. There's a thing that occupies your mind. Sometimes, the thing falls away. Suddenly, your memory is a bizarre place where the old dominates while searching for the new. Then, at some point, when you least expect it, there's a new experience. There are new memories. And suddenly, the old memories fade away, and the new ones begin to take over.
Suddenly, you no longer wish for the old memories, and you're happily enjoying the new memories.
It's bizarre. I don't understand why I remember some things and forget others. But I know new memories will take over the old. But I think that's the fun of it. I think that memories are meant to be temporary.
Because of memories are temporary, then we will never stop searching for new memories and new experiences.
Memory may leave us too soon, but it always comes back.
Then I got to thinking, how is memory a personal construction? More importantly, how is forgetfulness also a personal construction?
There are moments I want to remember. I want to have eidetic memory. I want my pupils to dilate so wide that I can record everything I'm seeing. I want to be able to replay scenes in my mind on command. I want to smell the same musk. I want to hear the same words with the same intonation over and over again. I want to re-experience the one moment. The fleeting feeling as a part of one scene.
But I want to pick it. I want selective memory. But, my selection, not whatever the universe decides is to convenient to select.
Because the universe is a cruel and unusual bastard.
Anyways.
I find I can't choose what I remember. Sometimes the good things stick. The smile. The laugh. The look. The one brief moment that tattoos itself to the core of your existence. And sometimes, you're happy by what you remember.
Sometimes, you just wish you didn't ever remember.
But there's this weird grey area I've found. It's not about what I do or don't remember. It's what I forget over time. It's how I find a new memory.
It's how I forget the memories I held so dear and make new ones. It's how the new memories slowly fade away and recreate themselves.
And suddenly you realize, the things you never thought you would remember, or the things you never thought you would need, are the new memories that make you cherish every moment.
It goes like this, or so I think. There's a thing that occupies your mind. Sometimes, the thing falls away. Suddenly, your memory is a bizarre place where the old dominates while searching for the new. Then, at some point, when you least expect it, there's a new experience. There are new memories. And suddenly, the old memories fade away, and the new ones begin to take over.
Suddenly, you no longer wish for the old memories, and you're happily enjoying the new memories.
It's bizarre. I don't understand why I remember some things and forget others. But I know new memories will take over the old. But I think that's the fun of it. I think that memories are meant to be temporary.
Because of memories are temporary, then we will never stop searching for new memories and new experiences.
Memory may leave us too soon, but it always comes back.
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