Forever alone?

I recently had a conversation with a friend. He asked if my life plan was to be forever alone. Let's be honest, my reaction towards him for asking such a frank question was less than pleasant. After a few days of pondering, I have a new respect for the question.

Does anyone really plan to be forever alone? I really can not possibly imagine any one person waking up and saying, I forever want to be void of romantic interaction for any plausible reason. No one commits to that out of their own volition. However, people come up with the idea and stick with it, often out of defeat. The defeat of a bad relationship and a lost love. The lost hope that ensues from that drives all of your decision making. To plan to be forever alone and to keep your expectations low means you will never re-experience the hurt and the defeat that got you there in the first place.

If you know me, you know that I have quite a low belief in romance and such. The thought frequently crosses my mind that my crazy life ambitions will get in the way of my ability to be married and such. Call it, my forever alone thoughts. I put it this way - I can have my cake, but I can't eat it too. I can get to New York and follow my dreams, and there is nothing in the way. I can't eat my cake too - I can't have a relationship while I'm doing it, mainly because most guys don't want to follow their girlfriends, but they want their girlfriends to follow them. I have a horribly dominant personality, and it just doesn't work that way. So, I ponder these thoughts.

Then I realize the beauty that comes with forever alone. Yes, there is pain involved within the defeat of that relationship you put hope in. But when you're going through the lowest of low is when you find yourself. You see things in yourself you never saw before. You see the truth of your personality as you explore new things, the strength that you have for persevering. After a long period of time, you realize the worst of it is over and you see the beauty from that situation, that you find you.

Without the pain, and without growing and learning from it, you will never see the truth of who you are. Without seeing the truth of who you are, you can never fully love someone else. Enjoy the time you are alone as you walk through and explore. The time you spend is not lost. You are not losing time looking for someone as you find yourself.

No one is ever forever alone.

(: