On second chances...

Lately, I've noticed that there is a pressing view point that the best way to deal with a problem is to eliminate it via denial. For example, imagine you are having a conflict with another person. There is this new trend that if a problem arises, that the best thing to do is to eliminate the person from your life. There is no conversation or chance for apology, but rather a cold, hard deletion. It makes me wonder, what happened to second chances?

When I consider how people are removed from each others lives, I notice that it all comes back to a source of conflict and contention. This conflict and contention may be short lived, or it may be a long thing that has been building up for an extended period of time. As soon as it comes to head between the two people, it's becomes a make it or break it decision. You can eliminate the person from your life, or you can stay and work things out.

Theoretically, the easier thing to do is delete the person from your life. This logic follows by saying that if the person does not exist, that the problem does not exist. If the problem does not exist, your life becomes simpler. The logic does not dictate your attachments to the person, your feelings towards them, past experience, etc. It is the easy way out of a difficult situation. No one likes fighting.

What if the new model of problem solving was one of second chances? Think of where we would all be if no one would have given us a second chance. It's probably realistic to say that some of us would have failed out of school without that one professor that let us redo our assignment. We would have been in jail if it weren't for the second chance that our parents gave us when we messed up. We would be without friends without those that stand by you through the best and the worst in any given situation.

If you have an experience with someone, why would you give it up when it was difficult? Why wouldn't you give it a second chance? It's a difficult idea. To let go of the past anger, resentment and conflict and allow for a fresh start. The most difficult part is forgetting the bad things that have happened and trusting that the same person will not cause you the same pain again. But if you care, why would you give up?

I believe that in any situation, if someone lost someone that they cared for, they would always say that they wish they would have had a second chance, or that they would always give that person a second chance. This logic is followed by saying that either or both parties would do things different, and apologize. Instead we walk away from difficult situations and sit and commiserate with ourselves over our poor choices and the things that we wish we would have different.

This second chance concept now goes two different ways. First of all, if you have the opportunity, treat the person now the same way you would if you were given a second chance and you were trying to prove how much you cared. Show them the unconditional love and grace that they deserve. On the other note, never be afraid of second chances. People do change, but you have to let them change for themselves. You can not change them based on what you want, or based on what you think is right. You must let them realize the change needed for themselves. However, if someone does go through the process of changing, you must give them the second chance to see that they have changed.

It's this thing called grace. If you deserve it, it isn't grace. But that's what makes up our relationships with other people. The fact that sometimes people do not deserve our time and our love, but we give it to them because it is appropriate and we know that they need it. Never take for granted the time that you have with people, but also never take for granted the importance of grace and second chances.

If no one ever extended you grace, or second chances, where would you be today?